"I'm in too truthful a mood"

Since April 2009, I've had about 7 close friends and family members become engaged. I'm talking best friends. And it wasn't that hard to hear until the last few.. (Please don't doubt my genuine excitement about each engagement.)
But it's hard not to compare my life to the lives of my friends. It's hard not to question the sovereign hand of God and his will for my life.
Last night, my roommate Paige and I were talking across the room, each of us sitting on our beds, ready for sleep but not at rest. I told her that I do believe I gain a greater intimacy with the Lord by being single. But lately it's been hard to believe that singlehood is what God desires for me. I think about Eve and how she was created to be Adam's companion, to complement him.
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." Genesis 2:18
It is so clear to me that God built us desiring relationships because he wanted to be in relationship with us.
But this also makes it difficult for me to know if it's just my sinful heart that desires what my friends have, or if it is the true, God-fearing and freed heart of mine that desires companionship and a relationship reflexive of Christ and his church. Or, I'm just scared of losing all my friends to their future husbands. (I know that last statement is not true in its entirety, but I have seen it to be true to some degree, and I accept that. But it does not make it easier.)

Jeans and Greece

I bought these jeans in Athens, Greece. I think they were about 10 euro. I bought them mostly out of desperation because the clasp on my skirt was doing something crazy. I do not recommend wearing jeans in Greece in July.
Anyway. Whenever I wear them, I remember being in Greece and something in my spirit is stirred and I feel like I need to get in the car, on a plane or a boat and just go. Preferably to Montana.

God is not the means, He is the end.

Obedience to God does not bring us salvation; we are saved, and we desire to be obedient to the Lord.
We do not love God and then He saves us; He loves us, He saves us. Love must follow.
Joyful obedience happens when we love God more than we love ourselves, when we desire His will more than our own, when we desire His glory more than our own glory.
God is not the means to something; He IS the something. And He is not trying to make us work our way to Him, because we will never be able to do that. Forever, we have been failing at working our way to God. Forever, He has been tapping us on the shoulder saying, "I am here NOW. Stop trying to get to me. I'm here."

And we find freedom in obedience, in living life as He made it, walking with Him.

Things I laughed at today:

The following dialogue from Dave Eggers' You Shall Know Our Velocity! (note: they are in Senegal):

"What are you wearing?"
"What?"
He was wearing a shirt declaring I AM PROUD OF MY BLACK HERITAGE. On a blond man with swishy pants it looked all wrong.

So I may have laughed out loud while reading in Luck Bros. Yes, Alison, I still do this :)

My laundry, as it is largely comprised of white vees, socks, and various Starbucks attire. Laughter seemed like my best option.

success in roasting!

This morning I was feeling a bit adventurous and decided to try my hand at roasting some tomatoes. And let me tell you that I feel quite good about the outcome. Now, roasting grape tomatoes in your oven is relatively fool-proof, but I still feel that I accomplished something. And, they are going to be mighty tasty in the pasta I plan on taking to work.

haiku

In honor of reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog (thank you, Alison and Kristen) I decided to write some haikus at work.
We have this insanely mundane task of filling out a "Values Walk" three time a day. Essentially, it's a checklist of the following things:
is the cafe clean enough that people feel welcome and actually want to stay?
are partners engaging with customers? ie Hi! Thanks! Have a great day!
can customers see the employees working together? ie are they biting each others' heads off?
So, in light of the Hedgehog and choosing to take my time on a task that is simply busy work, I wrote all my observations as haikus. I will leave you with my closing line:
All are efficient.


ps, is the plural of haiku haikus or haiku? please correct me.